No Porn/No Fap for 90 days…and Counting
It’s Been A Rough Day Has It? How Do You Deal?
We all have stressful days, and sometimes when we find ourselves slamming down an extra beer, smoking an extra cigarette or three, or even spending an hour longer scrolling through that porn site before going to bed we ask ourselves…”How did I get here?” Understanding the various triggers that lead us to gravitate towards our destructive tendencies is a complicated issue, however with a little bit more focus on reading great books like “Triggers: Creating Behavior that Last–Becoming the Person You Want to Be” by Marshall Goldsmith the murky swirl of conscious patterns that govern our behavior become clearer over time.
Where we turn for comfort is something that can have long lasting repercussions in the after math of our decision. In the short term we opt for the most pleasure we can soak up and delay pain as long as possible. The long term result is usually a pain period that ensues once the glow of the high has worn off.
Ditching the Soul Sucking False Comforters
I’m about to list out the top 5 activities (over the next five posts) that used to consume hours of my precious time, and sucked up everything from money, energy, and my undivided attention. These destructive habits were actually incredibly hard for me to cease engaging in, and with the help of Jesus alone I was able to change my mind long enough to choose a new direction. A direction that lead me to place of healing. Let’s start with my number one time sucker:
# 1 Pornography/Masturbation
There was a time not too too long ago when going without loading Xvideos, Pornhub, or simliar sites for more than a day or two was a major accomplishment. I was hooked into pornography from a very young age discovering it on the internet at the tender age of 11. I was quite grossed out at first because i found a site where the graphic display of a woman’s vagina was shoved in my face in an aggressive nature that I had never experienced before. I had of course seen bits of flesh in some R rated movies, and even handled playboy, hustler, and penthouse in small doses.
The internet however was something that took this nude picture machine (video was not quite as accessible for our dial up) to the next level in a way i was not prepared for. I began to look for ways to access porn to the point where it became an obsession to get more and more. I quickly found a style of porn that I liked best. I started off with looking at nude drawings of Sailor Moon (hentai) which was more of an appreciation for the female form.
As I grew older i began to desire more from my porn, and discovered the industry again that had now spread like a cancer online. It was not long before I began to masturbate to these images and videos. The older I got (I’m 31 now) the more i would look for young, beautiful, slim women who i would rub one out to before going to bed. I would also spend hours sometimes looking for the perfect video or picture sometimes spending hours and hours with no sleep, even if i had to work the next day.
Like I said I was hooked. I realized that this was not necessarily healthy, although I wasn’t allowing it detract from my life beyond losing a few nights of sleep. The thing that bugged me was that it became something I would have to do every day. The masturbation to orgasm was a staple part of my day.
Once I became a born again christian i realized i needed help, so i read a few books to try to get some support. The results were not very impressive. If anything i just wanted to go deeper and get that perfect orgasm to my perfect video with the perfect girl.
I basically realized that I would have to repent and ask God to help me because I was failing miserably. I called out to the Lord Jesus and told him I was willing to change if he would heal me. 90 days later I’m porn free, and also haven’t masturbated at all. My hand will occasionally stray to my genitals and i will just gently guide them somewhere else. I’m never mad about it. I just choose not to do it any more. I have no desire to look at porn. I have no desire to masturbate. I have no desire to have sexual relations.
I’m not saying that if a woman who I loved deeply was to become my wife then of course I would be doing her and myself a dis-service by depriving us of the God given right to have sex. In our culture sex is discounted as either something to be ashamed of or on the other side it’s no big deal.
I’ve had enough casual sex to realize that it’s not something that I’m going to pursue. The right girl might come along and if i choose to make out with her, fool around, and have consensual sex then in my mind that would be healthier. Rather than hiding in my room in the dark masturbating to porn and believing that this is how sex really is it would be better to engage real women in the real world. Also the key is to have no expectation of sex like ever.
There is no rush for me to have sex. I have much more important things to focus on. Building my YouTube channel for instance, and writing good content on this blog. Finishing my associates degree in Liberal Arts. Reading 2-3 books a week. Hitting the gym, and doing a high intensity aerobic exercise program. Being a vegan and being a better man in general.
This may be something you want to look into. Call out to the Lord and ask him to grant you repentance. Repentance is something that is granted. Trying to quit through willpower alone will lead you to failure. Ask Jesus to take the addiction away and have faith that He already has. Then just walk the rest of the way yourself. Stay in the word. Read the books that deal with sexual immorality and with human relationships.
Porn creates this fantasy world that doesn’t even exist. It dulls the mind and makes you empty yourself of much needed mojo (aka your semen.) In moderation you may not notice any adverse side effects. I would rather not do it at all and keep myself free for the best activities that will contribute to my higher priorities like loving God, loving others, and loving myself. Peace!